• Jessica

MY SECRET TO DATING A MAN WHO ALREADY HAS A KID

Updated: Jan 6

It's been long enough and like all things in my life, I typically blog about it. Welcome to the inner circle of my relationship. Yes, my boyfriend has a little princess and yes I LOVE HER SO MUCH!


Now, don't get me wrong when we first started dating my family was not thrilled and you could imagine how scared and nervous I was. Before we even started talking, I knew thanks to Instagram BUT unlike some people, it didn't scare me off. Considering my sister is a single mom & I grew up with a pretty amazing step-mom, this situation didn't make me second guess giving Kevin a chance. (Shoutout to June for being an amazing BONUS-mom!) However, just because it didn't scare me off, didn't mean it was something I had thought about for my life.


I don't think anyone ever goes through life saying they want to date someone with kids, it just happens. It just happened in my life, completely unexpected and my biggest concern was that I wasn't in a good enough place in my life yet. I didn't have my dream job and I didn't think I was settled down enough for this type of relationship.


YOU NEED TO KNOW

The most important thing about dating a man who already has a kid is that - the relationship is unwritten and unpredictable. It's not your typical relationship because you're not just creating a relationship with your partner, but you're also building a relationship with their kids. Which btw, is SO important. And like any relationship, it doesn't come overnight.


I can still remember how nervous I was meeting my boyfriend's daughter for the first time. How one can be scared of a 3 year old, I don't know but I was so nervous! Not only does your partner have a say if your relationship comes to an end, but so does their kid. Realistically, if you can't get along with all of them - your relationship doesn't stand a chance.


Without too much story time- here is what it means to be in a relationship with someone who has kids.


INTRODUCTIONS ARE DIFFERENT


Every introduction is going to be different than your typical relationship. Not only will you be meeting their kid(s) when the time is right, but you will also meet the family. When it comes to the family, you're up to higher expectations considering you're around their baby/grandbaby/niece/nephew and they need to know you're going to take care of all of them and love them.


YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW

In a relationship like this, you have to take it slow and take on one thing at a time. You have to consider everyone's feelings, especially the kids, because you all will get emotionally attached. If things don't work out - it's going to be more difficult to explain why you're not in their life anymore.


PLANS ARE ALWAYS SUBJECT TO CHANGE

When you date someone with kids, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, things happen. You might have to rearrange that dinner date or that weekend trip you want to take. Everything is unpredictable and can change in minutes. You have to be able to go with the flow!


YOUR LOVE EXTENDS BEYOND YOUR PARTNER

When you date a man with kids, your love doesn't stop with him. You have to be able to love his kids, especially if you're going to marry him one day- you have to be able to love them as if they were your own. It is so important that kids get the love they need in BOTH homes.


YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS THE #1 PRIORITY


One of the biggest aspects of this relationship you will need to understand is that, YOU are not always the #1 priority in his life. His kids are his #1 priority no matter what. That doesn't mean you're on the back burner and he doesn't care, it just means that you are not the only one he has to care and be there for.


THERE IS AN EX WHO WILL ALWAYS BE THERE

This part can be the hardest in a relationship. There is a mother to his children and she deserves respect. You have to put aside your feelings and understand that they didn't work out for a reason. You will get jealous at times and you may not share all the things that they have experienced yet. Always remember, you are his future and he loves you.


One day you guys will have more children and you are building a life together, but you have to get past this part first. You have to make it work on all ends for the children sake. They will always want to see one happy family and you need to be able to make friends so everyone gets along.


MAKE SURE THAT YOUR HOME IS A "HOME" FOR THE KIDS


I personally think that this is the most important aspect in this type of relationship. When you take the step to live together, it becomes your job to make this house a home for the kids. As a kid of separated parents, having two homes can be stressful and you never want the kids to feel like one house is more of a home than the other. They need to feel loved and have their own things that makes each house just as home-y as the other.


ALWAYS REMEMBER-YOU'RE NOT THEIR MOM

Another important aspect of this type of relationship is that he/she has a mom. As the relationship grows and especially once you start living together, that's a boundary you have to decide on. For me, parenting is between my boyfriend and his ex. You better believe I love this little girl so I will never let her do something that she could get hurt doing and I will always be here for her no matter what. However, when it comes to big decisions or discipline- be there for advice or your opinion but don't be the one making it.


You will find that you both will figure it out along the way. It isn't something that is just decided on, or that comes overnight.


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These are just a few things to open your eyes to what this kind of relationship is like. It can be hard, it can be tiring, but it can be beautiful and filled with so much love. I wouldn't trade my little family for anything. We are building a home and a life, a beautiful one. It may not be perfect, but it's perfect for us.


Until Next Time,

Your Sunflower






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